The Ivy’s new surprise du chef – a barrage of bricks

Man the designer barricades: the backlash against the rich has begun. Two representatives of the downtrodden masses hurled bricks at the Ivy restaurant in central London on Thursday. Huddled inside the staff canteen of the wealthy and famous was a collection of harmless estate agents, enjoying a breakfast meeting.

How pointless to hurl bricks at estate agents. With the property market in its current state, hurl anything that looks like a brick at an estate agent and they’ll try to sell it.

- Why are bankers suddenly so unpopular? Here’s a clue. While the rest of us were wondering whether to stuff our savings in an old sock, the Financial Times chose on Friday to publish a “bonus issue” of its magazine How to Spend It. Among the suggestions for special treats were a £17,600 watch and a £15,100 crocodile handbag. Why so coy? Why not call the magazine Let Them Eat Cake, and have done with it?

Going forward, our helicopter view shows us socking it to the jargonists

After a period of best practice citizen engagement with members of the Atticus-reading community, I can reveal that we are coterminous. And the core message is this: you hate limp, pointless government jargon with a rather frightening intensity.

After reporting last week that a Czech MEP was fed up with seeing “sustainable” in EU documents, I wondered what annoyed you. Here’s a tip for officials who wish to avoid a painful death: avoid “going forward” and “hard-working families”.

The Local Government Association has 100 jargon phrases it advises members against using, including the rather wonderful “predictor of beaconicity” (which, I think, is some sort of pregnancy testing kit). In our small way, we can do something about this. From now on, send me your worst examples of top-down, value-added, process-driven, meaningless waffle.

You name, we’ll shame.

Cash-strapped Benn can apply to the Bank of Mandelson

Not everybody is upset by the current turmoil. The Morning Star suddenly has a fresh spring to its step. “Only veteran readers of this paper will be able to recall more favourable conditions for challenging capitalism,” it said yesterday.

Tony Benn, Labour’s Grand Old Man, might also be pleased that governments have seized control of the banks – if it weren’t for a slight family difficulty. His son, Hilary, the rural affairs secretary, has told a meeting of the Cobra emergency committee that his savings are currently frozen in the Icesave internet bank.

A spokesman for Benn Jr wouldn’t say how much, but if the minister is temporarily embarrassed for cash he at least has a cabinet colleague with experience of arranging unusual loans.

Just have a quiet word with Peter Mandelson.

Forget shares headache: we’ve got a rumour crisis

If you think share prices are volatile, it’s nothing compared to the current market in political gossip which insists that Tony Blair is coming back as foreign secretary, while Vince Cable will be appointed chancellor (the obvious candidate: not only a Liberal Democrat but the man who referred to Gordon Brown as “Mr Bean”) .

Anybody with similar suggestions should send them to Benjamin Disraeli, deputy prime minister of the living dead, 10 Downing Street.

- Finding life a little humdrum in the Parachute Regiment or as Gordon Ramsay’s sous chef? Turn to today’s Appointments section for what should be the most exciting job in Britain. The Bank of England is advertising for a “deputy governor for financial stability”. The advertisement says, with masterly understatement: “This is a high profile and influential role at a time of significant change in financial markets.”

It pays around £240,000 a year. You’ll earn every penny.

- Iceland, struggling to fend off economic collapse, was briefly for sale on eBay last week, with bids rising quickly from 99p to £10m. Whoever would have thought, though, that Iceland’s current owner – or so it appeared – is from south Croydon?

- Prince Charles doesn’t just do organic biscuits: he’s expanded into the building trade. The prince has done his bit to help restore one of the great treasures of the Muslim world: the minbar, or pulpit, at Jerusalem’s Al-Aqsa mosque.

The prince has not only helped to raise the profile of the work in the Arab world, but the restorer, architect Minwer Al Meheid, trained at the prince’s school of traditional arts in Shoreditch, east London. A film about the project can be seen on Sky Arts on October 21.

Little Britain

Bad weather and high winds have put paid to the annual world pea-throwing championships. Winds up to 35 knots meant throwing the peas any distance would have been almost impossible. The competition takes place at the Lewes Arms, Lewes. Manager Abi Mawe said: “The weather definitely wasn’t on our side today.” – The Argus, Brighton

Councillor John Thorne reacted after complaints about fly-tipping in the bus shelter at Culmhead Crossroads, on the Blackdown Hills, but on visiting the site he found the rubbish had been cleared and the shelter lined with silver foil, while a clothes rail had been put up and a variety of items of clothing hung from it. A sign on the outside read: “The Changing Room”. Mr Thorne said: “It’s all rather bizarre.” – Somerset County Gazette

A one-legged golfer is locked in battle with his local club to claim back his course fees, six months after doctors told him he would have to have his other leg amputated. Andrew Stubbs was one month into a new £560 membership with Stonebridge Golf Club when he was told his second leg would have to be removed. “If they just told me to clear off, I would have known where I stood,” he said. – Birmingham Mail

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