Carol Midgley
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Well, I hope those po-faced judges are proud of themselves. Now that John Sergeant and his lovely Ginsters-pasty face have bowed to their carping and waltzed off Strictly Come Dancing, what are they left with? A show that's 90 per cent less interesting than it was last week and, I'd guess, a BBC paymaster that feels like killing them.
Lest you didn't know, Sergeant - aka the pig in sequins - resigned yesterday after relentless slagging from the judges. They said that he was lowering standards by dancing like a warthog in shiny trousers yet week after week being voted back on the show.
This was because the viewers at home liked him and picked up their phones and paid to vote. They even mounted a Facebook campaign to spread the word and keep him in. Call me an old fool, but I thought this was the whole point of public voting.
But, oh no. We know nothing. So the judges moved in and put us in our place. “Is it a ballroom dance competition or is it Sunday Night at the London Palladium, in which case we should just bring in some fire-eaters,” tutted Craig Revel Horwood. “This is a dance competition. It's not Strictly Come Entertainment.”
Er, how can we put this, Craig? Yes. It. Is. You are only there to keep viewers entertained while they eat their Pringles, just like Brucie in The Generation Game and the old man playing the spoons at the end of the pier were. So come down off your high horse.
The BBC doesn't care about advancing the fine art of ballroom dancing, only about stuffing The X Factor on ITV. If it did, it would be scouring the dance halls of Britain and we'd be watching Mrs Edna Clutterbuck and partner from Stoke-on-Trent, not Jodie Kidd. But then the programme would be called Come Dancing - which, if you remember, was taken off air because nobody watched it - and you'd be paid about £3.20 a show. If it was a proper dance competition John Sergeant wouldn't have been on it in the first place, because he looks like he'd much rather be getting stuck into a rum than a rumba. He's there because he's FUNNY.
Oh, who cares about such trivia, you may cry. Well, the BBC - deeply. Because, after the Jonathan Ross/Russell Brand meltdown and at a time when a serious campaign is mounting to boycott the licence fee, this was about the best thing that could have happened to it. The “Sargy bounce” deflected attention away from Ross's potty mouth and reminded us what brilliant, clean, expletive-free Saturday night family entertainment the BBC is actually providing. It was precious positive publicity at a time of crisis.
We are forever moaning that there is no longer wholesome family programming which gets people talking on the bus and asking why it can't be like the 1970s (take off your rose-tinted specs: they weren't all that great. How often do you hear people yearning for the return of The Black and White Minstrel Show?)
But look - there's loads of good family entertainment around and now we have got people talking on the bus and agreeing that SCD is the best family show on telly. It's what TV executives pray for - a harmless, high-profile row with no need for resignations. Sergeant became the dancing pig that saved the BBC's bacon. Now he's just a dead golden goose. Well done, everyone.
Good, watercooler family entertainment is TV's holy grail, which is why Ant and Dec, who hardly ever swear and do old-fashioned double entendres instead, are paid half the national debt. Before you've had children you couldn't care less - it is, like, so square to be watching TV on a Saturday night anyway. But when you have people ranging from age 4 to 80 in your living room most Saturdays, as I do, you'd really rather the screen wasn't filled with scenes of decapitation or shagging.
In this country we actually have an embarrassment of riches when it comes to non-shagging, weekend family programming but we either take it for granted or barely notice because we are so busy harking after the good old days.
The finest of these - well, in our house anyway - is Harry Hill's TV Burp, a continuing work of genius loved by kids and adults alike which I can't understand the BBC not poaching. The X Factor too is touched with a hammy type of genius, notwithstanding the presence of Cheryl Cole who makes every other woman in Britain feel about as pretty as John Sergeant's bottom. And now we have a new series of I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here, which I object to on cruelty-to-bugs grounds but will overlook this time just for the pleasure of watching Robert Kilroy-Silk make a pompous arse of himself.
Do we not realise how blessed we are to have entertainment that offends no one yet still manages to be edgy? Do those judges on Strictly Come Dancing not see how they shot themselves in the foot with a great, fat Uzi? People don't tune in to see them, but to see the people who entertain them best.
Ironically, Sergeant was making their jobs more secure because ratings, had he stayed, would have been sky-high until the end of the series. As it is there will almost certainly be a viewers' boycott and a decamp to The X Factor. Queen Cilla of the Leather Trousers has already declared herself to be “absolutely disgusted”.
Can I suggest that if the judges have such a dim view of public opinion they don't in future accept a wedge of licence-fee money to appear on a show in which the public are invited to vote? (Will viewers who voted for Sergeant now be reimbursed, I wonder?) If they check the smallprint they'll find that if the viewers don't pay to vote then there kind of won't be a show.
Arlene Phillips said this week that she would be “desolate” if Sergeant won. Desolate - really, Arlene? Just wait until next Saturday, when Sergeant has had his last dance and you are left performing to three pensioners and a cat. Then you'll be sorry you roasted the pig.

Carol Midgley joined The Times in 1996 and is a feature writer and columnist. Her times2 column appears on Thursdays and her bargainhunter column in the Times Magazine on Saturdays. She won Feature Writer of the Year in 2004.
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Carol Midgley is spot on! The vituperation of the judges - in particular Arlene Phillips, she who choreographed those awfully cheesy Pan's People routines - has backfired. They criticised not only John Sargeant, but the people who voted - and pay their wages. It's now 'strictily boring' ...
Clementina, Godalming,
What complete tosh! I watch the show to see people learning to dance and when they can't, they should be voted off - simple as that, a la Gary Rhodes. JS was very sweet, but it was way beyond a joke and not what I watch SCD for. Thank goodness he has had the good sense to bow out gracefully now.
Julia, Harrogate,
He couldn't dance and should have been voted out.
Those who kept in in must have liked him because he was 'bad' and thought it amusing to watch. There really wasn't much other reason for voting for him.
He came to the conclusion that it 'would be a joke too far' if he won which seems about right
Bill, Telford, UK
Frankly, I think it's John Sergeant that has made something that is supposed to fun into something entirely too serious. He's the one that has quit simply because what has happened on every series before this one is now happening to him. Maybe hr needs to reminded what kind of show it is.
Gina, reading,
John left because he knew it was time to go as did his fellow dancers.
Carol calls him a 'pig in sequins'. I don't find that funny only insulting.
The judges did not bully him off. You can't call it light entertainment on moment and then take the judges seriously the next.
Patrick, Norwich, uk
SCD is a light entertainment dance contest. I tune in to see someone with no dance experience getting taught how to dance, convincingly. Watching John not learn to dance after 9 weeks reinforced my notion if you can't dance by 30 then there's no hope. Judges are right to critique the contestants.
E Davis, Bridgwater, Somerset
Perhaps the judges should have resigned instead as they clearly weren't enjoying themselves!
Suzanne, London,
As I understand the way it works, the judges provide a professional opinion of the quality of the dancing. The public then vote on who they want to continue entertaining them. The judges have usurped the public's wishes by their bad grace.
Geoff, Newport,
Now that John Sergeant is out of the show it will be
DULL, DULL, DULL - in the words of a complete bully - its a disaster! John did not take himself or the competion too seriously - maybe the judges could learn a thing or two from him. - I'm sorry he has gone.
kate bonner, Camberley, Surrey
The whole point of this competition is for Charity and JS was the only one who actually looked like he was enjoying himself!
Perhaps it would be nice to see the judges dancing!!!!!
too much of a sense of their own importance!
jean, Watford,
To suggest that the judges on SCD are wrong to be negative about John Sargeants performance is to forget what it is they are paid to do. As for ruining the show this whole fiasco has brought more viewers and more coverage than ever before, the producers couldn't have planned it better had they tried
Sue, Neath, Wales
I will never watch SCD again - if John were from an ethnic minority he would never have been treated in this way. I think the BBC have a real problem on their hands with this situation. Very poor all round. The only person to emerge with any class is John. He has been treated very badly.
Brian, Glasgow, Scotland
If they had such lofty aspirations for their entertainment show why did they invite him and countless before him on in the first place?
I never recall who won. Fiona Phillips et al live far longer in the memory.
They promote dancing far better to us mere masses who would otherwise be deterred
Nick Vass, East Markham, UK
What a brilliantly written news report, well done Carol. I completely agree this is a Saturday night entertainment programme, with John gone it is mearly a Saturday night programme. I am sure that you are right and that ratings will plummet.
Louise, epsom, Surrey
I feel sorry at the way John has been treated and was frankly shocked at some of the judges remarks about him. I have really enjoyed watching SCD up until now but probably wont bother now. The fun has gone out of it now.
Martine, Southampton, UK
You say 'The judges pomposity is talking themselfs out of a job'. In one breath you talk of democracy;' the peoples voice should be heard', then; 'the pompose judges should think of the ratings and tow the BBC line'. Do you want the judges to say everyone is brilliant, No! Dont hound the judges out
David, Stafford, Staffs
SCD is supposed to entertain. John was doing that. It doesn't matter if he isn't the best dancer. If the judges had been more moderate in their comments we would not have needed to flood to his defense. The money goes to children in need & the additional calls have rasied more money - well done John
Lynda , Droitwich Spa, Worcs
If the judges would rather the public didn't have their say, perhaps they should have removed the public vote and reimbursed the BBC of the revenue out of their own pockets. Public votes means the public get to choose. I've never watched SCD but was going to vote for John this week on principle.
Sophie, Birmingham,
The judges and people who think Strictly is a serious dance competition should speak to the controller of BBC One, who said yesterday "strictly is a light entertainment show, it's not about winning a gold medal for foxtrot". The last piece of excitement has gone; the winner has been clear for weeks.
Kelly, Glasgow,
Disgusted with the judges. What about the eccentric scoring - particularly Craig's. We accepted this as part of the show not about a professional dancing competition. Come on judges - some of your comments are acceptable in a light-hearted entertainment show but not if it is a solely dancing.
Michael, Wokingham, UK
At the next general election, will we have the benefit of a panel of judges telling us which of the candidates aren't fit for office?
The BBC could televise the process, and the show could be called 'strictly undemocratic'.
I'm afraid 'strictly come dancing' doesn't get my vote any more.
andy, Bristol, UK
Perhaps SCD should invite John Sergeant to judge the next series. People would watch that. He wouldn't be edgy, of course, he'd be fair: a novel idea, but it might just work.
Rosemary, Liverpool,
The BBC invited a "ludicrousguest" (or so they think) each year for Strictly. The judges then can have their fun, cheap jokes, bullying, wisecraclks, all for their own egos -- John Sergearnt was popular and they under estimated his popularity.
Iam sorry he is gone/ He should have won the contest.
Esther Forder, Cobham, Surrey
I feel really disappointed that John Sergeant felt forced to quit the Strictly Come Dancing Show. I think that the public were voting for the idea that Saturday night entertainment should do just that and entertain. It is a pity that the show will now be left to boring elitists. I shall not watch
Mrs J Dix, Chippenham, United Kingdom
You are SO wrong. Strictly will continue because the public loves it - with or without John. It's just a shame that journalists use their position to air their own views rather than those of the public. The judges are dance experts and have a right to their opinions - do you?
Andrea, Warminster,
My views too. A great show ruined by pompous judges who take themselves and the show too seriously.
Peter Jones, Preston, UK
The sort of show the judges want is at odds with what the public want.
Sergeant voters will be reimbursed if they ask to be. I'll certainly be demanding my money back because I want to choose the charity it goes to (after the judges' behaviour, an anti-bullying one).
Andrew, Fareham,