What makes the ideal family home? The developer David Evans thinks he knows. Indeed, he claims to have built three of them – four-storey, four-bedroom houses on Stockton Road, in Manchester. Constructed using steel and timber, with a brick facade, and with prices starting at £475,000, the properties have big interiors and small exteriors. Inside is 2,300 sq ft of space, but the back gardens are only 40ft long.

Split-level, open-plan rooms appeal to 21st-century families, Evans says. “They are full of light and space, with a kind of flow. One living area connects to another, without partitions. Having lived in Victorian houses with all those poky little rooms, we have tried to provide openness.” And here he is on the interiors: “A calm, neutral palette of parchment walls . . . oiled oak floors . . . satin white woodwork . . . a blank canvas ready to take on the personality of the new owners.” (For more details, see www.home-mcr.co.uk.)

So, is open-plan and oiled oak really what people want for their family home? What do the experts say?

Terence Conran believes the key element for a family home is flexibility. As he reminds readers in The Ultimate House Book: “The toddler getting under your feet in the kitchen will soon be transformed into the teenager blasting music from behind a bedroom door.” This means your home must be able to cope with both, unless you want to be permanently moving house.

“By building in flexibility to your living arrangements,” he continues, “it is possible to organise matters so that your home grows with your family, and you stay one step ahead of the game.” Conran is also a great believer in getting the balance right between bespoke private domains and shared space – with the kitchen the prime candidate for the latter. And try to have two bathrooms, or at least small wash-basins in children’s rooms. If your home is drowning in toys, treat your own bedroom as “an exercise in cool restraint, where clutter is banished”.

For Rachel Ashwell, the author of Shabby Chic, a roomy table “and plenty of accommodating seating” is the key. “Kitchens are a natural place for families and guests to gravitate towards,” she says. And don’t worry too much about having everything matchy-matchy: “Personal collection, whether family photographs or children’s art, can inspire a display that gives a home individuality and character.”

Estate agents, of course, are slightly more prosaic. “Four bedrooms within walking distance of a good school” seems to be the measure of it, although judging a family home merely by the number of its bedrooms seems rather an oversimplification.

Ultimately, it is down to your taste – and priorities. Here are the very different takes of three families – one urban, one surburban and one rural – on what makes the ideal home.

Case study 1: It’s all about the great outdoors

Tina Wall and Nick Gibbs, their daughters, Lara, 11, and Sasha, 10, and Treacle the dog live in a long, low Cotswold cottage built at the turn of the 18th century in the tiny Gloucestershire village of Ampney St Peter. Nick’s parents live next door in the rest of the building. Both Tina, a chair caner and rusher, and Nick, the publisher and editor of the subscription magazine Living Woods, work from home.

One of the things Tina likes best about the place is that it is flexible. “It evolves,” she says. “A bedroom became an office and the dining room became the girls’ playroom. Then it became a dining room again, and now it’s a games room with a pool table, a computer and a drum kit.”

Outside space was also crucial. “I couldn’t conceive of bringing up a family without a big garden,” Tina says. “I’d rather have a tiny house and a big garden than the other way round.” As well as a large lawn, they have a vegetable patch, a tennis court and loads of sheds.

The kitchen is at some remove from a new-build ideal. “There is no brushed stainless steel anywhere,” Tina says. “We have a 1947 Aga, on top of which is a wood-burning stove, which we use in the summer.

Our kitchen table is an oval piece of plywood. We’ve been testing kitchen tables for eight years. I think this is number four.

“We have made the kitchen our central space, with the Aga and a sofa. I would say our house is very lived-in, but essentially unfinished. Because we are capable of doing it up ourselves, we never do.”

The age of the house also militates against virtuous amounts of storage, interior design and, indeed, tidiness – but Nick does not seem unduly bothered. Nor is he interested in voguish interiors. “There are other things I want to do with my life than worry about how the inside of my house looks,” he says. “Anyway, here you are battling against the tide if you are worried about keeping it looking immaculate. The walls are wonderfully misshapen, and looking lived-in is part of its character.”

Case study 2: no spare bedroom for granny, but super for Sunday lunch

Julia and Shamus Rae live with their sons Brodie, 6, and Jude, 4, in an early-Victorian terraced house on a garden square in Islington, north London. When they bought the house, seven years ago, it was derelict, but exactly what they wanted. They have spent £175,000 doing it up.

“I always wanted my family to live in a Mary Poppins-style London house,” says Julia, commercial director of Quietrevolution wind turbines. “Coming from Bangor, in Co Down, this is the family house I imagined in my childhood, with a garden square and steps up to a classic front door.” She also wanted vintage. “I definitely wanted an old property for my family. Fireplaces are my big thing; I wanted a Christmas house so we could all hang our stockings up.”

Did it matter that the garden is a typical London strip of just 40ft? “We have space for a barbecue and a place for the kids to run about when we are relaxing with a glass of wine,” she says. “And if the boys want to play cricket or football, they just pop across to the park.”

Surprisingly, perhaps, in these informal days, a proper dining room was a crucial element for the couple. “We have a big Sunday-lunch thing,” Julia explains. “It’s a big deal. Whatever else happens in the week, we always have Sunday lunch. Yes, the kids have to cope with napkins, and sometimes spill their food on the table, but the point is that we all sit down together for Sunday lunch.

“I set the table the night before and, in the morning, Seamus takes the boys out to the park while I slave away peeling and bashing and basting the food. We usually have roast chicken. The children tip their gravy into the yorkshire puddings, then we are off. I have a repertoire of about six puddings, which we have in rotation. I love dinner, and love being a hostess with a well-presented dining room.”

Also important for Julia was having a bathroom of her own, which she put into an extension they built at the back of the house as part of the refurbishment. “You need a little bit of privacy in a family house,” she says. “My bathroom is my own space, and all my stuff is in it.”

The two sons each have their own bedroom, and there is one for the live-in nanny, too. The only trouble with a Victorian terrace, particularly one in a conservation area that is Grade II-listed, is that you are limited in terms of what you can bolt on the back. Once all the bedrooms are full up, that’s it.

“When either granny comes to stay, the boys just share a bedroom,” Julia says. In addition, she has devised a brilliant innovation: “granny boxes”, bespoke containers filled with a nightie, beauty cream, spare glasses, a hairdryer and so on, meaning that whenever granny drops by, she can travel light.

Case study 3: With five children, suburban life gets the thumbs-up

Evelyn and Andrew Ashe live in Maidenhead, Berkshire, with their five children, Rachel, 17, Loïs, 15, James, 13, Patrick, 9, and Xanthe, 5. They moved in last year from just down the road – they had outgrown their last home. I can confirm this because Evelyn is my older sister, and only reluctantly agreed to move when it looked as if one of the children would have to sleep in the bath (not quite, but you get the picture). They now all live in a six/seven-bedroom detached Edwardian villa with a large garden.

The house is set back from a quiet road and has plenty of period features such as balconies and stained glass. No “blank canvas to take on the personality of the new owners”, then, but the Ashes don't mind. According to Evelyn, character is one of the important things for a family home: “That idea of a blank canvas is far too neutral for us.”

The other crucial thing, with all those children, is to have plenty of lavatories. “We have five, which I suppose is a bit excessive,” she says, “but loads of loos, a couple of bathrooms and a separate shower room for the girls are vital.” Ensuite? “I’m not bothered at all about ensuite bathrooms.”

How about open-plan architecture? No thanks. “I like having a nice kitchen, which can act as a meeting point for the whole family,” Evelyn says. “But you need lots of separate areas in the house into which the children can disappear afterwards. Teenagers need time on their own.”

There is a room that could be a dining room, but is used as a study. “The reality is, I am not going to be carrying food into a separate room every evening,” Evelyn says, understandably enough for someone who regularly cooks for seven. “Or clearing it away again. But you need enough space in the kitchen for a family meal, because we’re not exactly into TV suppers yet, either.”

Suburban living gets a big thumbs-up. “All the children bar our eldest can walk to school, which is a big plus,” Evelyn says. “They can all walk into town and to the local sports centre, so I don’t have to be a taxi driver for everyone. We can get into a city if we want – we aren’t stuck out in the country – and it’s quite safe. The children can go down into town at night, although there’s not much going on in Maidenhead, frankly.” Another blessing.

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