A visitor's book entry at this hotel on the most westerly tip of mainland
England was blunt and to the point: “What a con. Taking the sign down at
night. Bloody cheek.”
The comment referred to the famous signpost by the cliff overlooking Longships
Lighthouse and out across the Atlantic to America. It shows the distance to
John o' Groats (mainland Britain's most north-easterly settlement, 874 miles
away), New York (3,147 miles), and the Isles of Scilly (28 miles).
To have your picture taken here, in a cordoned-off area leased by the hotel
owners to a private company, costs £9.50 during the day, but the signpost is
removed in the evening when the site is unmanned.
The writer of the entry in the visitor book thought this was to stop people
taking free snaps. “No, it's because the sign's been stolen twice,” the
hotel receptionist said. “If we leave it out, it goes. There are people out
there... waiting.” This thievery “makes everything more expensive, we have
to pay for the new signs and then we pass on the charges”.
There is something mean-spirited about Land's End Hotel and its various
connected theme park-style attractions, which include a Dr Who Up Close
collection of costumes, a Return to the Last Labyrinth “journey into
wonder”, and a Coast to Coast “exciting exhibition”. Adult tickets £10.95,
children's £6.95. Everything seems to come at a cost - it feels like a
money-making machine.
And then there's the hotel itself.
The exterior is dull: a white block-like building perching by the cliff edge.
The reception was poorly run: we waited ten minutes on arrival (“all right?”
asked a sleepy woman when she finally materialised). The rooms are poky and
boring: beige wallpaper, plain white bedspead, fake carnations in a vase.
The bed was uncomfortable. And the view, from ours, was of an
air-conditioning unit and a Kwix Snax outlet. Never mind, we thought,
heading for the restaurant, looking forward to watching the sun set.
“I'm afraid we don't have a window table,” said an unctuous waiter, taking us
to seats in the middle, next to a floorboard that bounced whenever someone
passed. The food was terrible. Almost tasteless fried spinach and feta
goujons were followed by oily stuffed peppers and pork in an overpowering
pepper sauce. The only thing we really enjoyed was the sparkling wine from
Camel Valley, a Cornish vineyard, costing £29.95 a bottle.
A table by the window, right in front us, remained mockingly empty throughout.
We watched the sun set from outside - the ball of orange dropping slowly
beneath the metallic grey sea. It was beautiful. Then we turned to look at
the hotel. Our hearts sank.
What a dreary sight, we thought. What a bloody cheek. Land's End deserves
better than this.
Bottom line Mystery Guest paid £120 for a B&B double
Sampling the fare £79 for three courses with wine for two
Best thing The sunset
Worst thing Everything else
Need to know Land's End Hotel (01736 871844, www.landsendhotel.co.uk),
Cornwall, TR19 7AA
Room 1 out of 10
Food 1 out of 10
Service 2 out of 10
Value 3 out of 10
Score 1.75
PUT TO THE TEST: 20 Mystery Guest questions for... Land's End Hotel
1. Do rooms have kettles/coffee makers? And is there fresh milk?
Kettles but no fresh milk; milk cartons.
2. Is there a hairdryer, and is it fixed to a wall?
Hand-held hairdryers in rooms.
3. Are coathangers metal, wooden, removable?
A mixture.
4. Complimentary bottle of water?
No.
5. Sheets and blankets or duvets?
Duvets.
6. What about a 'pillow menu'?
No.
7. Is lighting good enough for reading?
Yes.
8. Is there a shaving/make up mirror? And is it well lit?
In some rooms.
9. What about the in-room entertainment system?
Small TVs.
10. Is there a temperature control panel?
No.
11. Do the windows open?
Yes.
12. Is there good sound-proofing?
Reasonable.
13. Is there wi-fi internet access?
Not in rooms, only in public areas.
14. Is there a good place to go jogging nearby?
Yes.
15. What is the vegetarian food selection like?
Limited.
16. Is there baby listening/babysitting? And are children welcome at
adults’ evening meals?
No babysitting, but baby listening devices are available.
17. Is there wheelchair access to all areas?
Not to the rooms but there is access to the bar and restaurant.
18. Do you get a free paper in the morning?
No.
19. Is there a pub round the corner?
The hotel has a bra and there is a pub two miles away.
20. Is there free car parking? And is it secure?
Free but not secured.
ten jobs rely on one stinking sign?this is england alright,alright?
harold small, london, england
We love Lands End & got married there. A beautiful day & we have some incredibly beautiful pictures of us, overlooking the Atlantic. Hotel staff were very accommodating to us & our guests. Our room was a premier room and had fabulous views. Theme park spoils natural beauty of this stunning place
Mrs Howell, chippenham,
My daughter had her picture taken at the" sign post" when she was two years old ,right after it was taken she was hit by a motor cycle and her pritty little face was scared for life that picture is a step back in time I wish we could REVERSE the clock, tell me how to put a price on a memory??
A K C, Alicante, Spain
"19... The hotel has a bra"
So, despite the complaints, at least it offers good support to the customer ;-)
Sue B, Pontypridd, Wales
The signpost at Land's End is and always has been a private family business. It is not a landmark provided by the local council, the National Trust or the company that owns Land's End. It is not 'A bloody cheek to remove it after working hours. 10 person's jobs rely on that post.
barry chapple, st ives, england
Favourite picture of me and my parents and brothers in 1979 at Lands End at that sign. Surrounded by rock, no concrete in sight. Lands End has been ruined by that overpriced theme park. The whole point and charm of Lands End is the view. No `development` needed.
Alex, Munich,
I have stayed there before and the people were lovely to me. Maybe you stayed at a bad time of year
Steve, Southampton,
My nephew's wedding reception there in May - I tried to book rooms some 6 months previously - no reply to 3 e mails, rang and told no vacancies, rang week before and two days before in case of cancellations told no vacancies. On the day big sign saying vacancies - Lands End ruined by non-cornish!
Sally Hartnell, Exeter, Devon
It was diabolical in 1964 and appears to have succeeded in remaining so!
ravingdave, whitstable, kent
It is indeed an ugly blot on the landscape, possibly the worst place I've ever been. What was once a beautiful area has been ruined by unguided corporatism -oh yeah like the rest of our once green and pleasant land.
david, london, uk